How to Start a Conversation That Gets Replies on a Dating App

Being the first person to send the first message on a dating app can feel like shouting into the void. You swipe, match, and then… silence. Or worse, a dry “hey” that leads nowhere.

Suppose you’re using dating platforms like Match Naija, Tinder, or Bumble in Nigeria (or anywhere else). I would like you to learn how to start a conversation that gets replies. A great opener can distinguish between sparking a genuine connection and being ignored completely.

Whether new to online dating or looking to improve your messaging game, this post will walk you through tried-and-true ways to stand out, be authentic, and get a response.

1. Don’t Start with “Hey” or “Hi.”

This might be the most common mistake in online dating: opening with a boring, one-word message. “Hi” or “Hey” is the text equivalent of blank space. It doesn’t give the other person anything to respond to or show much effort.

🚫 Bad openers:

• “Hey”
• “Hi there”
• “What’s up?”
• “How are you?”

✅ Better approach: Give them something to work with. Think of the first message like a headline—it should catch attention and invite a reply.

2. Use Their Profile to Your Advantage

Suppose the person you matched has a well-written bio and photos showing hobbies or anything specific in their profile. In that case, that’s your gold mine for starting a conversation.

🎯 Examples:

• “I noticed you mentioned you’re into gospel music—who’s your go-to artist when you’re worshipping alone?”
• “That photo of you at Zuma Rock is amazing! Is hiking something you do often?”
• “I saw you love cooking—what’s your signature Nigerian dish?”

Why this works:

• It shows you took the time to read their profile.
• It makes your message feel personal and intentional.
• It opens the door for a deeper, more interesting chat.

3. Ask Engaging Questions (But Not Too Personal Too Soon)

People love talking about themselves, especially when the questions are thoughtful. Try to avoid overly generic questions like “What do you do?” Instead, make it fun, light, or slightly playful.

🎯 Great conversation starters:

• “If you could only eat one Nigerian dish for the rest of your life, what would it be?”

• “What’s one thing people would be surprised to learn about you?”
• “If you could spend a weekend anywhere in Nigeria, where would you go?”

Questions like these allow people to express themselves without pressure, leading to a better connection.

4. Use Humor (If It Feels Natural)

You don’t have to be a comedian to make someone smile, but a cheeky comment can make you stand out.

🎯 Examples:

• “So, be honest—are you here for love, jollof, or both?”
• “I’ve been staring at your profile trying to figure out if we’re a match made in heaven or just two people who like plantain.”

So, could you send that comic message but be careful not to misunderstand it? 

5. Offer a Thoughtful Compliment—Maintain Elegance  

Genuine compliments can be incredibly powerful, provided they come from a place of sincerity and respect. When sending that message, avoid being too superficial in your remarks. If you hope to build a meaningful connection, avoid sending the wrong message about your intentions.

🎯 Good compliments:

• “You have a warm smile—it made me want to say hello.”
• “I love how confident you look in your photos.”
• “Your style is on point. You look like someone who enjoys life.”

Could you avoid comments that focus only on the body or come off too forward?

6. Share a Little About Yourself

Instead of just asking them questions, share something too. This helps you avoid sounding like you’re interrogating them and invites reciprocity.

🎯 Example:

• “I see you love Afrobeats—I’ve recently gotten obsessed with Burna Boy. Who’s on your playlist lately?”
• “I’m a big foodie and weekend cook—what’s your comfort meal after a long day?”

This way of texting will help foster a conversation that will naturally flow.

7. Keep It Short, But Not Too Short

Your first message should not be a one-liner and should not be four or more sentences. Please make it 2-3 sentences to keep it interesting. 

Write something engaging that is related to their profile. This will make them feel seen and that you are genuinely interested in them.

8. Don’t Be Generic—Stand Out

Dating apps can feel like a sea of sameness. To get replies, you have to be unique. This means saying something that will make you more memorable.

🎯 Instead of saying:

“Hey, what did you do today?”

Say:

“Hello [name], I’m having trouble deciding whether to stay home and exercise or run outside. What exercise do you usually do after returning from work?” 

9. Know When to Follow Up (Without Being Pushy)

Let conversations be light and breezy. This means not taking it too hard when you don’t get a reply to your messages. A quick, non-push follow-up message is fine when you don’t.

🎯 Example:

“Hey! Just wanted to bump my message in case it got lost in the scroll. Still curious about your travel spots in Nigeria 😊”

If they don’t reply, it’s best to move on gracefully. Ghosting happens, and it’s not always about you.

10. Be Yourself (Seriously, It Works)

This is the ‘secret sauce’ will make you attractive—being YOU! Trying to be what you are, not to be more beautiful, will not work; instead, it will make you seem fake or awkward. So be shy if you are shy; be nervous if you are; you can even easily let your date know. You can say, ‘I feel nervous sending you this message, but I decided to because you seem like someone I would love to get to know better.’

That kind of openness is refreshing—and often appreciated.

💬 Final Thoughts

If you focus on being personal by going through their dating profile and noting things that you can bring up during your conversation with them.

Being intentional and genuine will also help you build better conversations.

Now go ahead—slide into that inbox with confidence. Love (or at least a great convo) might be just one message away.

Also read: The Guidelines for Proper Online Dating Conduct in Nigeria.