Dating a Nigerian Man: Insights for Women

He is very assertive about his love for you and expresses his love for you as often as possible. Would even refer to you as “my queen” and openly lavish you affectionately—but is that sufficient?

Being in a relationship with a Nigerian man can be described as an extreme sport. Nigerian men often don’t keep you guessing about their intentions for you, so you will get an exhilarating mix of charm, tradition, passion, but sometimes—confusion. 

So, whether you are Nigerian or from a different country, having a good understanding of what you should expect when dating a Nigerian man is essential if you want to “survive” them and get the best out of them.

This is because Nigerian men are known to be bold romantics, protective partners, and committed providers. However, these men come with complexities that you might be unfamiliar with if you have to experience Nigerian culture. Knowing and understanding them is essential in building a beautiful relationship with them.

1. Family Holds Paramount Importance

The Nigerian culture comes with great respect for their family, and it often looks like they hold the opinion and approval of their family in high regard when it comes to choosing a life partner. In the Nigerian culture, marriage is not just the “joining” of 2 individuals. Still, it is the “joining” of 2 families, so their family’s opinion about their romantic partner affects that relationship. Oftentimes, the sign that a Nigerian man is serious about you is if the man has introduced you to his family, particularly his parents, so be ready for the question: “Have you met his family?” as the yardstick for whether that man is serious about you.

2. Chivalry is Alive—But Don’t Confuse It with Commitment

Nigerian men have this reputation of being very romantic. Once they have decided to get you to accept their romantic advances, they will never stop until they succeed. They would often put everything they have into succeeding in getting you to receive them. They are unafraid to put in their word, actions, time, and money- Yes! Even money!. A Nigerian man is known to be very generous, spending all of their money on you to get you to accept their romantic advances. Now, don’t get it twisted; you might see that Nigerian men spending time and money lavishly on you and mistake it for commitment. Still, Nigerian women who have received this attention will tell you that everything you enjoy from them might mean nothing. Nigerian men are used to being generous when they want a woman. However, they are also known to do all that and still do the same thing with several other women, or they might even have a whole wife and kids in another state/province or country.

So, when dealing with a Nigerian man, you must look beyond his gestures to see if he wants a future with you.

3. He May Anticipate Traditional Gender Roles

Many Nigerian men describe themselves as traditional men who pride themselves in wanting “traditional women,” that is, women carrying out traditional roles by themselves, such as cooking, washing, cleaning the house, bathing, feeding the babies, etc. They expect them to carry out these roles without assistance from them. They often see themselves as “less of a man” if they carry out the “women” role. Now, I just explained the extreme case; some of these Nigerian men might not be that extreme or might not be this way at all. So, from the very start, you need to discuss their expectations and values in marriage with that Nigerian man.

4. Respect is Crucial

In Nigerian relationships, respect is essential, and I don’t just mean you are using the words “sir” or “ma.” More than that, it involves using the “right” tone, demeanor, and approach. Most of the time, the only way to win a disagreement with a Nigerian man is to do it respectfully. Allowing him to retain his position as the “head of the house” will make him feel powerful even in discord.

5. Religion Can Be Significantly Influential

Nigerian men, heck! Nigerians can generally be very religious, holding their religious beliefs in high esteem.

So, whether they are Christians or Muslims, understanding their religious beliefs from the start and assessing them with yours to see if they align is essential in ensuring the success of your relationship because their religious beliefs can affect many aspects of their relationship, from who they marry to how they marry to whether they can cohabit before marriage.

6. There’s Pressure to Showcase Success

Okay, this particular point might cut across different parts of the world. The compelling desire for Nigerian men- men in general, to want to be perceived as necessary, flashing signs of wealth, from flashy cars to gorgeous-looking wardrobe collections. These wealth shows can be very appealing but don’t be deceived. Some are successful, but it does not hurt to dot your “I’s” and cross your “T’s.” So my advice is to ask numerous questions like “What do you do for a living?”, “Can I visit you at your workplace and meet your colleagues?”‘ “Do you own that flashy car, or is it for a friend?” You can not be too careful

7. You Might Need to Develop a Resilient Attitude for “Banter”

It is very common for Nigerian men to cheekily “throw banters” at you. They often don’t mean anything by it. Their throwing banters often mean they feel free and comfortable with you—it is supposed to be a good sign. So, how to survive this is by not taking everything to heart. It is also understandable to have limits and don’t be scared to express them as gently as possible.

8. Marriage Involves More Than Just Love—It’s a Family Matter

Marriage to a Nigerian man is not an individual thing. It is a family affair, not just your nuclear family but also your aunties, uncles, uncles, etc. So, be prepared for all kinds of traditional celebrations. This makes them beautiful, so prepare for it mentally, financially, and emotionally when marrying a Nigerian man.

Final Thoughts

Dating and getting married to a Nigerian man can be an enriching experience, and despite your differences with a Nigerian man, the key to the success of your relationship still lies with the “stereotypical” good communication, compromise, comprehension of one’s values, and having shared values as well. So, while you strive to be very accommodating to that Nigerian man, it is also important to be true to yourself as well rem, be grounded in who you are, and only accept the type of love that you are willing to give

Also read: Intertribal Dating in Nigeria: Is Love Stronger Than Culture or a Source of Dispute?